174.5 October 18, 2008

That’s my weight this morning. So. Weird. I couldn’t imagine myself below 180 before and now I’m heading into the 160’s?! This picture was taken yesterday. I was on a field trip with my 10 year old daughters class. It shocked me when I saw this. I look so …. normal. Not fat. Just a normal person. That seems strange to me. I still look down in the shower and see a big fat jiggly huge stomach. That doesn’t seem to be going away. Yet I am still losing. From where?? I have no ass to take it from. No hips, boobs are shrunk, still some flab on arms. I’m thinking that if I keep losing it HAS to start coming off my stomach, right? I have my 6 month appt with the surgeon on Monday. I’m wondering what he’s going to say about my progress.

6 month update October 9, 2008

70 pounds September 10, 2008

That’s how much I’ve lost since July 07. Today I weighed 184. Down from 254. I’m amazed. I’ve never been able to say that I’ve lost that much weight. Nice feeling to have since I’ve been bummed about staying the same weight.

I haven’t been very hungry the last couple of days. I have my protein coffee first thing in the morning. Then around 9-10 am I figure I’d better eat breakfast. Today it was 1/3 cup cottage cheese (I really do like cottage cheese!) topped with peaches that I diced and cooked with sf torani vanilla syrup, pecans, and cinnamon. Tastes like a peach cobbler. Then around 12:30 I made some roasted eggplant spread. I used a fajita sized mission carb balance tortilla, topped it with the eggplant spread and mozzarella cheese and toasted it. I ate a little more than half. And then I get really hungry around 3:30 – 4 pm each day! So I had the rest of my little pizza, a little protein brownie that I made last week and some Fage topped with the peaches! Funny, I can barely eat half the pizza for lunch, but then I can eat all that in the afternoon. For dinner I had a veggie and bean salad with chicken breast and a few mini rice cakes. That’s my day. When I figure it out, it seems that I’m getting about 1000 calories a day. Some might say that’s high for a 5 month post op, but I feel good at this amount. I may not be dropping weight like crazy, but at least I don’t feel like I’m going to drop dead from exhaustion or weakness. I try to concentrate on healthy, high protein foods that taste GOOD.

questions questions September 7, 2008

All week I have bounced from 186.5 to 186. It’s so very frustrating!!! Especially since I have a goal to reach 175 by OCT 7 , which is only a month away! UGH. I don’t think it’s gonna happen, but I have to stay positive that it COULD happen. What to do? I don’t know. I still struggle with knowing if I’m eating the right things or not. There’s no hard and fast rules post WLS. All surgeons have their own rules. Mine doesn’t have very strict rules. Then you throw in all the differences of what other people are doing and what works for them. Then you try and figure out what works for YOU. Carbs or no carbs? Low fat or full fat? moderation eating or no no foods? decaf or full leaded? straws or no straws? 6 small meals or 3 meals? I don’t know. I feel like I’m still finding my way. Is that ok? Or should I know what I’m doing now that I’m 5 months post op and the weight loss has slowed to crawl? Will the loss pick up again? Or will it be a major struggle for each oz lost? Is this a race or a way of life? If I stop losing now will I start gaining? Does it have to be loss or gain? Or can I maintain? Why is taking care of myself such a hard job?????? LOL! oh so many questions…..

Water August 31, 2008

I know it’s HUGE. But I love this. I took this photo last week while Tim and I went for a 4 mile walk around Boise’s greenbelt. It is so beautiful there. I try to get at least 3 bottles like this in every day.

Holy skinny Cow! August 13, 2008

About 4 years ago I lost almost 60 lbs and got down to 180 (for a day!) and then started gaining back. Anyway, I bought these capri type pants at target cause they were clearanced for 5 bucks. I’ve never fit into them. They are a size 15 extra low cut. A couple of months ago I pulled them on, but there was no way my belly was going to fit into them. I figured it would be quite some time before they fit. Well for the past couple of weeks I’ve been the same weight. So I decided to measure myself to see if I was losing inches. It seems that I lost maybe an inch around my middle since last month. So just for fun (?) I decided to try the capris again. They fit!! So I grabbed my camera and snapped a couple of those popular bathroom mirror self portraits.

Note to self: clean bathroom mirror and sink before taking photographic evidence.

Here’s my ‘model’ pose. Then I came to my senses and had my daughter take a real photo of me (see the first picture)

I was pretty darned impressed with myself for getting into these. Really goes to show that if the scale isn’t moving, doesn’t mean your body isn’t readjusting.

saturday August 3, 2008

Slept in late. Got up. Had my coffee with creamer. Took a shower. Packed up and headed out for my walk. Took my shake with me. Ended up with a 4 mile walk, 10,000 steps. Drank a bottle of water too. Picked a few plums off a tree for a snack on the way home. For lunch I mixed a can of tuna into what was left from last nights cucumber salad. mmmmm. Ate half. Too a nap. Ate the rest of the tuna salad and a few more small plums. Tim and I gave each other shoulder massages. mmmm. Must get a professional massage soon. Now we are going to settle into several hours of season 2 of 24. Will probably have a snack somewhere in there. maybe some blueberry yumminess from below?

I *heart* <3 the library. August 1, 2008

A renewed sense of wonder at the public library. It’s amazing. You can walk in empty handed, no wallet even with money or ID, and you can walk out with an armful of books. Can you tell anything about a person by the books they check out of the library? Ummm…. they’re for a friend….

‘The Complete Book of RAW Food’
‘Feeding the Hungry Heart’
‘The Fitness Factor’
‘Breaking the Vicious Cycle’
‘The Antidepressant Solution’

Not bad July 31, 2008

But still a junkie. I’m gonna need to come to terms with this somehow. I’ve realized that I go through periods of using food for something. What thing? I’m not sure. But I need to figure it out. I knew surgery wouldn’t fix my head. It did fix it that I couldn’t indulge my pleasures with such great abandon. And for that I am grateful. But I know that my pouch restriction will not last forever. So that leaves me with dealing with this shit. I have to deal with it and not just rely on my pouch size to keep me in line. I didn’t weight today at all. I don’t plan to tomorrow. Weighing everyday has not been a problem in the past, but right now I feel like I need a break from the scale. So, we’ll see when I get back on. I’m setting some new pedometer goals too. I’ve been wearing it, but slacking off on actual workouts.

Todays eats:

Coffee with ff creamer
the delicious blueberry concoction below
beans and chicken
protein shake with banana and PB2
out to dinner – chicken salad – ate half
other half of salad
water and crystal light

UGH July 30, 2008

Such an ugh ugh ugh-ly day. It’s 10:30 pm and I feel yucky, disgusting, bloated, and fail-urish. Why? There are many reasons. I ate too much today. It started out ok – I had my morning coffee with creamer. Then for breakfast two mini quiches and some mandarin oranges. We were going to the kitchen to work for a few hours. So I decided I’d better eat before I go. I dug out the south beach pizza that was in the freezer. First time I’d had one of those. Definately not worth the hype and expense and anything else. Just blah. I ate half. Went off to work in the kitchen with my bottle of water. Half way through I decided I needed a coffee. So I went to the coffee place and got myself a sugar free, iced, latte. Sipped it till I got home. Also, had a few bites of gluten free pizza crust. Decided on a high protein meal of two turkey meatballs with a string cheese melted over top. One of my biggest problems with not drinking while eating is being left with the ‘food’ taste in my mouth after finishing. So I had a bag of south beach dark chocolate soy nuts. I should have stopped there. I didn’t. I had a no sugar added ice cream bar. Then I thought – uh oh. I’m in trouble. Went to lay down, then took a trip to the toilet (not throwing up) – fell asleep. Got up and sipped on my latte from earlier. Figured I would make some beans and turkey for dinner. Tim came home with a pizza. Took a small piece and decided to eat the cheese and toppings off the top. Then decided on the crust too. Then I was left with the ‘food’ taste again – so I swigged a couple ozs of crystal light. I made the beans and chicken for a later dinner tonight. I am a junkie. A food junkie. And surgery does not cure you of your addiction. Granted, pre-op the binge would have involved much more food. But apparently I am still able to binge. This is not good. It’s down right shameful. I can just picture what some people would say. All the – ‘I can’t believe you were able to eat all of that!’, ‘I would NEVEr be able to eat that!’, ‘what are you doing eating like that after surgery?’. It’s the end of the day and I need to be done with the guilt, shame, overeating, and self loathing.

So what was good about today???

* I recognize I have a problem.
* I’m honest about it.
* Tomorrow is a fresh start.

Not a great list of good huh? oh well.