As of Now…

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – Mother Theresa

UGH July 30, 2008

Filed under: Just Me spillin' my guts — lookingforward73 @ 4:41 am

Such an ugh ugh ugh-ly day. It’s 10:30 pm and I feel yucky, disgusting, bloated, and fail-urish. Why? There are many reasons. I ate too much today. It started out ok – I had my morning coffee with creamer. Then for breakfast two mini quiches and some mandarin oranges. We were going to the kitchen to work for a few hours. So I decided I’d better eat before I go. I dug out the south beach pizza that was in the freezer. First time I’d had one of those. Definately not worth the hype and expense and anything else. Just blah. I ate half. Went off to work in the kitchen with my bottle of water. Half way through I decided I needed a coffee. So I went to the coffee place and got myself a sugar free, iced, latte. Sipped it till I got home. Also, had a few bites of gluten free pizza crust. Decided on a high protein meal of two turkey meatballs with a string cheese melted over top. One of my biggest problems with not drinking while eating is being left with the ‘food’ taste in my mouth after finishing. So I had a bag of south beach dark chocolate soy nuts. I should have stopped there. I didn’t. I had a no sugar added ice cream bar. Then I thought – uh oh. I’m in trouble. Went to lay down, then took a trip to the toilet (not throwing up) – fell asleep. Got up and sipped on my latte from earlier. Figured I would make some beans and turkey for dinner. Tim came home with a pizza. Took a small piece and decided to eat the cheese and toppings off the top. Then decided on the crust too. Then I was left with the ‘food’ taste again – so I swigged a couple ozs of crystal light. I made the beans and chicken for a later dinner tonight. I am a junkie. A food junkie. And surgery does not cure you of your addiction. Granted, pre-op the binge would have involved much more food. But apparently I am still able to binge. This is not good. It’s down right shameful. I can just picture what some people would say. All the – ‘I can’t believe you were able to eat all of that!’, ‘I would NEVEr be able to eat that!’, ‘what are you doing eating like that after surgery?’. It’s the end of the day and I need to be done with the guilt, shame, overeating, and self loathing.

So what was good about today???

* I recognize I have a problem.
* I’m honest about it.
* Tomorrow is a fresh start.

Not a great list of good huh? oh well.


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